I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
