I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
