I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
