i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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