NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
