Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
