If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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