My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
