Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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