his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
