Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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