I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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