Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
