Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
zippers are such a cool invention
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
