i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize