Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
try to milk me bitch
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
