We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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