i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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