woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
