Her vagina should come with caution tape.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
