I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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