Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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