So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize