pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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