The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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