Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
