Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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