Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
