Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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