I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
