She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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