Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
