i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
