I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
