Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
