Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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