He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
