Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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