I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
that may or may not have been my penis.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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