just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize