I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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