i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i was born a porn star she said
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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