fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
