when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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