It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
