I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
