my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
