My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
