Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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