In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize