One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Boobs are out for the taking
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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