ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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