Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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