Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
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I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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