That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
