When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
