First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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