I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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