I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
