Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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