Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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