sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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