went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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