I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
