This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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