i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
