i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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