Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's shark week go big or go home
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
