I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
